


touch starved

by ayahinas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, F/M, just smut really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 23:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12692667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayahinas/pseuds/ayahinas
Summary: hinami is experiencing first heat as she is presenting, and an incident with ayato has her thinking - and eventually doing more. a/b/o verse, slight au.





	touch starved

**Author's Note:**

> so i'm here with a new ayahina fic as usual! this one is really just pretty smutty.  
> I'm sorry for the problem with the caps, I can't really fix it from some reason. you can also read my fics on tumblr @kirishimahinami/@ayahinas, under my writing-tag. enjoy!

there was something about today that set hinami on edge. under the thick white blankets that covered all of her small, singular bed, she was shivering as cold sweat glided down her face. heat coiled in her stomach. as she breathed in and out, trying to calm her body, scents she has never smelled before had reached her nose, nostrils widening to their full extent as the sharp whiff hit them.

nothing was wrong around her. the window was shut, the glass separating the world outside from her warm room. everything was clean, no dust and no dirt. she and touka actually took it upon themselves to clean the café and its building’s floors. everything was spotless, the floor parquet shining to the point hinami could almost see herself reflecting in it.

for a few moments, stuck in her own world and haze, she wondered if she had returned to cochlea. she remembers that feeling coming in bits there, every day, even if she had attempted to erase anything from those times where all she could do was to stare at a pristine white wall, wandering in her dark cell and try to not let herself fall insane to the feeling that tried oh so hard to eat her up.

she blocked her nose with her hands, trying to avoid those thoughts and those scents, but her heightened senses were not helping. she tried to cough out all of that stinking air out of her lungs, only to realize they were filling her up instead, burning inside. hinami held her sides, clutching on to it as if to block a gash from bleeding out. she kicked away her blankets, coughing some more to herself as she rose from the bed, unable to remain in place through the pain.

she couldn’t figure for the life of her what has been going on in her body,  _to what it reacted,_ but she desperately needed to get it out of her system – she felt as if she was going to die, her ability to breathe being taken away from her. every time she inhaled she had felt as if more and more weights have settled on her shoulder, trying to force her down to the floor.  _stop it, stop it, stop it!_

 _what is happening to me?_ her steps were heavy and she walked towards the one spot slightly lit in the room, her window. the moon showers it with dim, yet glowing light and hinami sees it as her guiding northern star. the air will finally be clear when she will reach it and open it, finally escaping from that choked up room that took her prisoner.

between the sensations crawling below her skin and the memories she had long ago filed away in her brain, everything on her mind just told her to make it stop. she grabbed the lower sash of the window by its rail, forcing it up with her shaking fingers.  _let me breathe!_ she wails, still aching. a breeze entered the room, and hinami basked in it.

tears she wasn’t aware of fell from her eyes. it only hurt more.

she let herself fall on the floor, holding her knees as she leaned against the wall, huddling under the window sill, trying to shield herself from unnecessary pain. she felt frail and helpless and so, so  _alone._ as if on cue, more tears formed on her lashes. the thought made her feel so useless, so unneeded, and so  _unlovable._

she had felt something similar to this before, back in cochlea, but it hurts so much worse now. back then it was only fleeting pangs of pain, of overflowing emotions she couldn’t really understand. but now it was a full-fledged attack on her body. her pajamas were soaked in sweat, hot flashes coming and going as they please. her throat was dry, and she felt starved. she wasn’t hungry, she just felt denied of  _something_.

she didn’t even notice she was sobbing loudly. she didn’t even hear the footsteps behind her door, or the urgent knocks on it. she didn’t hear their calls for her, she didn’t hear anything. the only thing that she could feel was the scents that were lingering outside the room. the scents that barged in as touka entered the room, running to hinami, while yomo, kaneki and nishiki stared at her with terror in their eyes from the entrance.

touka pulled her into a tight hug, trying to calm her and whisk her away from her frenzy. hinami clawed at touka’s shoulders as she tried to breathe in the calming fragrance touka radiated. everything was still so awfully out of place, but even if she was still on edge, catching a whiff of that calming smell relaxed her, if only a little bit. she nuzzled into touka’s neck who in response only nudged her to continue as she needed.

her soft fingers caressed the top of her head. hinami’s whimpering slowed down. it was comforting, to have touka tend to her. it was comforting, but not quite  _right_. the pain dulled and the burn that dwelled inside had mellowed, but something was still lacking, she was still hurting, and she couldn’t tell why.  _why am i like this?_

her tears stopped as she slowly breathed in and out, still in touka’s embrace. kaneki tried to step into the room then, only to be grabbed by yomo and nishiki. touka turned her head to the entrance, her lips pursued, frowning. “stay out of the room and close the door!” she yelled at the men’s direction. yomo immediately shut the door at the statement. touka sighed. she rubbed hinami’s back gently, as hinami was still jumpy from the ordeal.

“hinami…” touka whispered. “you should go back to bed. you need to rest.” she told her, voice as soft as possible. touka didn’t want to stress her any more than she already is. it was more than likely she no idea what she was going through, anyway. she doubts ryouko ever had the time to fully explain what presenting is like.

hinami bites her lips as she’s shaking her head. “nee-chan, what is wrong with me..?” she tries to ask, but touka puts a finger on her lips, an apologetic smile on her face. she helps hinami up, lending her a shoulder to lean on and walks with her back to the bed, letting her sit comfortably, at the very least.

“i promise i’ll explain everything in the morning, but you really need to sleep. i’ll stay here tonight to make sure everything is fine. you’ll be alright, i promise.” touka covered them both with the blankets. she couldn’t possibly leave hinami alone tonight - she needs someone to at least hold her, to mellow down the pain and reassure her that she isn’t alone.

“okay…” hinami replies, shutting her eyes tightly, trying to ignore every throb in her body that told her that it was still wrong, that she had to get up and  _find_  what she needed. she needed that explanation now, but it wouldn’t help her to press on the subject at her state. touka took her hand and squeezed tightly, and hinami did her best to focus on the warmth radiating from her. she clenched her teeth and removed any thought from her mind.

hurting and aching still, hinami had fallen asleep. she still felt choked, she still felt empty inside, but at the very least, breathing in touka’s calming, motherly scent made the fire die down, if only a little.

-

she woke up, her eyes fluttering open. touka was still holding her hand in hers. the other woman was already wide awake, watching over her with concern clear in her eyes. hinami frowned at the thought of making touka so worried, but at the same time, she knew it wasn’t for granted.

even in her dream, the aching, insistent feeling kept drilling in. hinami couldn’t avoid it - the fire that was lit under her consumed her from head to toe, calling her to satisfy it, to indulge in it, to let it devour her even more so than before.

it was strange. in her dream, as she got closer and closer to the flame in front of her, she only felt better, the heat that hurt her spreading around, letting her bask in sweet warmth instead of scorching pain.

hinami didn’t want to think about it anymore. she just wanted to know what was happening to her. she was tired of being left out in the dark, to try to figure it out on her own. she squeezed touka’s hand, to signal her that she’s awake, as she ran a hand through her messy, tangled hair, moving it away from her face.

touka looked down at her. “good morning, hinami.” she smiled at her. hinami didn’t know it, but for the first night of presenting, she had been very calm in comparison to other ghouls. she was obviously not out of pain, but she handled it very well, all things considered. “how are you feeling?”

“it’s still there, but… it’s better than yesterday…” she grimaced. in all honesty, her head was still pounding, her throat was still dry. she felt as fragile as a leaf and she just wanted all those sensations to stop, but she bothered touka enough about it. as if it wasn’t enough that she made them endanger themselves for her in cochlea, now this? she doesn’t want to be a problem anymore. “nee-chan… you said you’d explain…”

touka sighed, but nodded. she promised her yesterday, after all. “hinami, do you remember that one time, i told you that i was an alpha? when you told me i started smelling differently, a long time ago.” touka asked her. hinami remembers something like that, back when she was living with touka. she nodded, waiting for touka to continue.

“it’s just like back then, only you are going through it now. you are presenting. i guess it hit you really hard because you are a bit of a late bloomer, though i can’t say that for sure, either…” her words died down. hinami generally had developed strangely compared to other ghouls. from her oddly strong senses to her double kakuhou, she had always grew just a bit differently. there could be a lot of reasons for this, but she isn’t going to speculate now. hinami is confused as it is.

“…so, you mean i’m an alpha?…” she asked, her brows furrowing in confusion. presenting could mean you are one of three things - either an alpha, beta, or omega. in the end of the day, they were just titles for pheromone types, and nothing more than it, but it was still usually easier to find betas rather than alphas and omegas. both of her parents were betas. it would make much more sense, if she were one too.

“ah… no. definitely not. you’re an omega, from your scent. and from the way you presented, too.” touka clarified, and hinami stared at her. she heard omegas usually have it the hardest when presenting. in aogiri tree, she met quite a few omegas. she remembers one day specifically, when one omega presented while on mission. hinami helped her leave before any problem occurred, but hinami still has one vivid sentence from the grunts stuck in her mind.

_‘they’re coddling her when all she really needs is to get fucked. stupid, if you ask me.’_

hinami blushed, even the tips of her ears becoming red. it finally hit her - yesterday was completely driven by needing something beyond a hug or a kiss. things that happen in the books eto had written, that she tried to shy away from yet couldn’t help but take a peek at.

touka laughed as she saw hinami bite her lips, averting her eyes to the ground. of course hinami would already know. some part of touka still sees hinami as the little kid she was used to seeing smiling every day in anteiku, a book in her hand and a clover pins in her hair. but it’s obvious now that she’s growing older now. she didn’t need any talk.

“i’m sure you know what you just got into, seeing that face.” touka pinched her cheeks lightly, and hinami frowned from the teasing, pouting at her, only making the older snort. “so keep to yourself for a while, okay? i’m here because i’m mated, and i won’t release any pheromone that will cause you distraught, but this won’t be the same with other people.”

hinami nodded.  she felt nervous about it all, but she will have to adapt. she can’t rely on touka to help her. she has her own problems to deal with. hinami figured it out already - she would have to find a way to cope on her own.

-

she spends the next two days holed up in her room, hiding underneath the blankets, trying to ignore all the pheromones she had been releasing to the atmosphere. the first day may have been the worst, but the ache was still steady, consistent and desperately was trying to break her down. she didn’t need more pheromone whiffs - it’ll only drive her nuts.

then again, she feels like she is dying anyway. she needed to at least do something, move a little, anything of that sort. her arms were starting to feel numb from their fixed position they were in. all she needed was something to do.

she figured reading a book will be nice. she may have read all the books she had more than she could count on two hands, but it was better than doing absolutely nothing. she raised her blankets from her slightly, looking at the books the piled up on her nightstand like a tall, asymmetrical tower.

taking the top book of the pile, hinami started reading almost immediately. the book were one of the newer ones, that she read less, and she didn’t remember much of it, but it didn’t make it any less interesting than the others. sparing no time, she delved into the book, her eyes constantly jumping between sentence to sentence.

half an hour passed in a blink of an eye, and hinami smiled to herself at the thought that she managed to even grow a bit distracted from the pain and needs she was feeling.

hinami was at the middle of the book, when she remembered that this was one one of the books eto has written, as well as one of the rare cases where she actually decided to add in romance scenes.

_pushing her back, he had pinned her on the bed. his fingers slid under the thin straps of her shirt, before pulling on it, tearing it apart from her–_

before she could read any more, hinami had threw the book on the wall, watching it fall on the floor. its cover taking most of the hit rather than the content. she grimaced as she breathed in too much pheromones in the middle of it all. she hid under the blankets once again, groaning loudly as she felt the feverish sensation setting under her skin once again.

she held onto her pillow, sinking her face in it as she felt her the heat settling so clearly in her core. she straightened her legs, her thighs pressed against each other as she tried to surpass the need to touch herself, the need to find somebody to  _touch her._

_you need it. don’t lie to yourself. can’t you smell the scents outside?_

she can smell them. each and every one of them. it was all so surreal, how she became so sensitive in just a few seconds flat. it was also amazing, how she could differentiate every person from a whiff that blew in the wind.

some scents were less appealing than others, but those who were appealing - they drew her in. before she knew it, she was at the door, twisting the knob, on her way to  _setting herself free._

it was already nearing midnight, at this point. most of the ghouls hinami could sniff out were behind closed doors, if not locked rooms. it was the first time she had actually seen :re this quiet at night. it didn’t matter. the fragrance she sniffed right now was  _the best_ , and it came from downstairs.

skipping through the stairs of the cafe, she entered the back of the kitchen, a sweet aroma of freshly made coffee reaching her nose at the same as the musky, strong one she had caught wind of even upstairs. in front of her she saw ayato standing in front of a steaming kettle and a filled up coffee cup. he turned his head to her the second she stepped in the room.

his eyes grew wide at the sight of her. or was it the pheromones that hit him? she didn’t care much, at the moment. the only thing on her mind was how he looking at  _her. only her._ it was almost maddening, how much she could be satisfied by him only looking.

_what will happen if we do more? it would feel so good._

his pretty, high nose crinkled, and she knew he felt the pheromones she was radiating now, if not before. “hinami… i heard from touka. feel better soon. i am going to my room, uh, i’ll see you-” he tried to escape from the kitchen before they will be stuck in an irreversible situation, but she caught him in a corner already, pinning him to the kitchen wall with her small frame, locking her arms behind his neck. she nuzzled her face into his shoulder and collarbone, both covered by his black shirt, to her dismay.

“…hina…” his voice wavered. the sweetness of her scent was starting to have an effect on his brain. even with her cloths on, she felt so soft pressed against him. felt so warm. he always had a soft spot for her, he could never tell her no - and now she’s rubbing against him, looking up at him with bright brown puppy eyes.

“make me feel better.”

it’s a plead. her voice is strained and needy, a symphony to any alpha’s ears - but more than that, it’s only for his ears to hear. he knows he shouldn’t, touka has told him what the situation is like, but he can barely object as pheromones are already clouding his mind. he brought his hand to her face, hovering above her cheek for a few hesitant seconds before giving in and settling on it, pulling her towards him.

she leaned into him, standing on the tips of her toes as she closed the gap between her lips and his. his lips were soft and supple, so different to his appearance that seemed dedicated to make him into a tough and rugged commander he was. they were moving against her lips so eagerly, while his hand was pressing at the back of her head, all in order to get  _closer._ it made her dizzy in pleasure.

she felt his other hand sliding down her body, stopping on her ass. she released a small squeal as he grabbed it, her lips opening just enough for him to slip in his tongue. ayato didn’t know what candy tasted like, but he was sure she was as sweet as one.

hinami felt as if she was in some euphoric high. if two days ago touka’s hug put away the flame, ayato had only made it stronger, but it burnt so nicely, as if the flames were simply hovering around her, dancing in joy against her and ayato. it made her so excited she couldn’t help but kiss him messily, only trying to explore more of his mouth as saliva trickled down their chins.

he stopped kissing her and she squinted her eyes at him.  _why did you stop? keep kissing me, it’s so good!_ she was about to pull him back to the kiss when he lifted her up and flipped them over, hinami now the one pressed against the wall. she was holding onto him as if her life depended on it, locking her legs behind his waist for security. her head was against him chest, as if trying to hide from the sudden change, but she lifted her head after a few, long seconds, finally allowing herself to take a glance at him.

at that moment, hinami found out herself unable to look away. with sweat starting to fall down his face and his eyes that pierced through her, hungry for more, it was simply hypnotizing view to take in, and it took her breath away.

_you are so beautiful._

he grinded against her as his lips found her neck, sucking on the soft skin there. hinami’s neck arched, either from the sensation or for the sake of giving more access. she didn’t care which one it was, it was all blurry in her mind, and the only thing she was able to focus on was him.

hands under his shirt, she tries to lift it up, her fingers trailing his muscles underneath it as he was playing with the strap of her nightdress, sliding it off her shoulder with his teeth before going back to kiss her collarbone. both of them were so caught up in the moment they’ve didn’t notice anything around them, their eyes locked on each other.

“what the  _fuck_ is happening here?” hinami froze in place as she heard a feminine, high pitched,  _angry_ voice yelling at their direction. ayato’s immediately lifted his head at the sentence. touka stared at them, a storm hiding behind her blue eyes. yomo who was standing near her sighed at the sight. “i told you something. i told  _both of you_ something.”

ayato almost hissed at her as she stepped up to both of them. “put her down. i mean it.” touka basically commanded. hinami felt like she was watching them holding a staring contest, both of their eyes unblinking in similar squints, equally mad at each other. neither of them surrender until yomo entered the scene, grasping ayato’s shoulder rather tightly.

he gritted his teeth, and spared glance filled with guilt at hinami, that was still tucked, secured in his embrace. he pushed one of her legs back down gently, making her return to standing position. she was still aghast at the turn of events. her hands slid down his arms, reaching the tips of his fingers, intertwining them with hers.  _maybe, just maybe, will you stay?_ she wanted to ask, but the words already died down her throat.

yomo already started to drag him off, even if she could have brought herself to say it in time, and their hands were torn from other. stumbling back, ayato has no choice but to turn away and leave.

the clock hit twelve, and he was out of sight, as touka took her back to her room. the fairytale reached its end, and there’s not shoe to slip off to continue it. 

_will you look at me, afterwards?  
-_

if before she was hiding under her blankets for the sake of being able to breathe, now she’s been doing the same for almost the exact opposite reason. it’s one thing to present and make people worry, that can happen to anybody, but it’s a completely different thing to jump at one of the closest people to you as if you were lovers for years.

but it wasn’t even that, that made her want to hole herself up in her room and never get out. it was the fact that there was a very insistent part of her that kept telling her how she wouldn’t have regretted it, had it happened. that she would have been happier, if anything. that his embrace the warmed her up and made her feel at home could have only led her to joy.

she couldn’t help but agree.

her thoughts trail back to that day, where they all had come to save her in cochlea. even then, when she couldn’t smell pheromones that well, the way he held her shoulder and gazed into her eyes were enough for her to feel in safe hands. ever since then, it was clear that he had only wanted the best for her. only wanted to bring her home.

_did i mess it all up, now?_

it pained her to think about that possibility, about how likely it is. she can already imagine that he would distance himself away from her, avoiding her gaze - whether if it’s because touka told him to stay away for a little bit, or the possibility that he wasn’t okay with the situation himself. after all, before all of it, he never touched her more than necessary anyway. would he really just suddenly have interest in that out of nowhere?

 _no… he wouldn’t._ she brought her knees to her chest, hugging them as she buried her head between them. she stayed in that position, unmoving for a few long minutes, letting her mind wander far more that she should have allowed it to. somehow, she always managed to be too naive, too stupid to understand the situation around her, always ruining it before she notices the mistakes she’s making, left to mull over how a small decision could have changed how things played out.

the end of the presentation is near, and it’s unneeded heat will soon perish. the last days were the easiest, miza told her when she came by apparently volunteering to bring her food to eat. miza never lied to her, no matter how hard the truth was, but hinami already feels like these days are going to be the hardest for her.

honestly, her inner turmoil will not disappear when all of this is gone. even if the sadness will eventually make her numb, make her forget, it would be hard to move on from something she didn’t even manage to begin. it was almost pathetic how she was sulking over all of it. would he even like someone like her as a partner? since the day she stepped foot in aogiri, he done nothing but baby her, so her life would be easier. what can she say she did for him already?

_in the end of the day, he doesn’t have any reason to want me at all._

-

it’s been three days since the incident, and hinami is finally back to normal. relief washes over her as she feels the pain and heat fade from underneath her flesh, but as hours pass she realizes that soon others will notice that the stench that lingered in the cafe for the last week is disappearing.

up until now it was okay that she locked herself up in her room. anybody would understand wanting to be alone at that situation, but how would she begin to explain that she doesn’t want to face  _him_ yet? touka and yomo will understand, for sure, but there is little excuse she could use for the rest.

she doesn’t want to leave her room. she want to curl up in her bed, go to sleep and not wake up. the door almost seems hazardous in her thoughts, as if a monster is waiting from the outside to catch her as its prey. then again, she had made plenty of people worry in the last few days. even poor banjou that had come around the cafe specifically to ask if she’s fine, yet she couldn’t even get out of the room in order to give him a normal conversation.

she forces herself out of bed, her aching muscles feeling weak after lazing in bed for so long. she walked to her closet. her pajamas stunk still and now that she noticed it was her first priority to change out of them. spotting a modest, comfortable beige dress, she took it quickly off the hanger and changed.

for a few minutes, she stared at the mirror, her reflection staring at her back as she adjusted the dress and stretched it out, trying to make all the wrinkles disappear. at least for today, she doesn’t want to look like a mess. she was enough of a mess the last few days, and if aogiri taught her anything, is that you must stand tall when you are facing a crisis.

the current crisis was walking out of the door, but it was nonetheless, a crisis.

grabbing onto the handle was the easy part. twisting it and actually opening the door was a bit harder, but she managed even with the anxiety rush she felt running through her body. she only let her head out of the room, peeking at the hallway. nobody was there at the moment.

hesitantly, she took a few steps out of the room. she breathed in - all she had to do was to go downstairs and maybe talk a bit to touka and kaneki, maybe nishiki or someone else too, and then just run back to the safety of her room. it was a simple mission, really.

the shop was closed today since it was a holiday, so it was a quiet day at :re. she could still hear people downstairs talking, touka and kaneki, to be exact. idle talk, where he’s thanking her for the coffee, and she reminds him he doesn’t need to do so every day. as expected of mates, hinami thinks. both of them must be really happy, to have somebody close to them like that.

she doesn’t let her thoughts wander. if she were to think of what could be, it’ll only hurt more if it won’t happen. while she loved romantic tales, those she always read were her escape from real life. reality was always more bitter, always more antagonistic to her.

reaching the first floor, hinami immediately sees touka and kaneki. both of them turn around to her as they hear her shy steps, apparent smiles on their faces. “hinami-chan! i’m glad to see you are okay. sorry that i couldn’t help much.” he welcomes her and she shakes her head. he always takes the blame unnecessarily, and this time is no exception.

“it’s okay nii-chan, it wasn’t a situation you could solve anyway…” she says awkwardly. she didn’t want to think about the last few days anymore - erasing them from her mind seem more appealing. talking about this with kaneki and especially touka is a few good steps out of her comfort zone.

silence fills the room, both parties unsure of how to continue from here. kaneki puts on a goofy smile as he scratched his head. touka stared at her sympathetically and sighed. coming closer to hinami, she ruffled her hair. “would you like some coffee, now? it’ll do you well.”

hinami nods her head gratefully. touka’s coffee is the best, and while it won’t get rid of her worries, it can always at least relax her slightly. touka went into the kitchen, and hinami could see the water slowly boiling and she prepared the coffee beans. it was a familiar, calming scene, and hinami had just realized how much she missed it through the week.

left alone, she and kaneki started talking on their default subject - books. kaneki always liked talking about his favorite books, whether if it’s about the message they try to convey, or theories that could happen in the series, or just simply speak of certain characters. these conversations made her feel light hearted, maybe even a little nostalgic - she almost felt like a little girl, with no worries on her shoulders except what will happen next in the fairytale she was reading.

_almost._

there was a bell sound as the door opened. hinami could hear the boiling kettle shrieking as footsteps became clear to her ears. she wants to escape the room, at that moment. she’s looking the other way but he knows that he already had seen her from the way the steps abruptly stopped.

“ayato-kun? i told everyone to come later… well, come sit for now. touka is already making coffee for hinami-chan. you can join in.” kaneki tells him and hinami bites her lips. this is exactly what she didn’t want. she should’ve gone upstairs the minute she told them everything was fine.

she turns her head to him and sees his equally terrified eyes. he looks uncomfortable as he forces himself to sit down, two sits away from her, the gap apparent and hinami’s mood simply going down the drain at the same time. he stares at his sister making coffee then, a gaze that almost pleads for help.  _i knew it…_

hinami wants to cry. she tries to hide her eyes with her bangs, but she doesn’t really know if it’s working. both he and kaneki were silent. she glances at touka, between the strands of hair she refused to push away from her face. she’s looking back, worried at the situation while kaneki is oblivious to it all.

“you seem tired.” kaneki comments at ayato. tired is not the word hinami would describe him as. uncomfortable, drained,  _regretful_ \- all of these would be better choices, if you ask her. all of the things she didn’t want to be the cause of but still is.

“…yeah.” he answers, still avoiding the corner she’s sitting at with his eyes. his hands were clammy, and much like how her fingers were fidgeting uncontrollably, he constantly closed and opened his palms, again and again.  _is this how it’s always going to be, from now on?_

kaneki frowned at the scene as he shifted his eyes between the two of them. he took a deep breathe before deciding to actually speak again. “is there something wrong betwe-”

“on a second thought, i’m still not feeling well… i’m sorry. i’ll see you later…” hinami cut him off with her sentence, and she felt bad about it, but she can’t handle it anymore. she rose from her chair and rushed away, running to the safety of her room. she feels eyes staring at her back as she leaves and her anxiety worsens. even if she tried not to be a mess today, she still is, and that fact remains undeniable.

she felt sorry for not giving kaneki an explanation, she felt sorry for not drinking the coffee touka made for her, she felt sorry for putting ayato in this situation and ruining the friendship. but most of all, she felt sorry for herself, that she’s created such a mess - and is too much of a coward to confront it.

-

there’s a knock on her door, later that evening. she doesn’t want to get out of her bed to answer the door. in fact, she doesn’t want to see anybody. taking her pillow and covering her ears with it, she tries to ignore the knocks that only become more and more insistent, as well as stronger.

“hinami, it’s me.” ayato’s voice reached to her from behind the door. her eyes widen, but she still doesn’t move. in any other scenario, ayato would definitely one of her top choices to go to and talk. he always tries to understand her when she needs a shoulder to cry on. she wants to talk to him, to tell him everything on her mind, but the doubts of actually admitting her feelings to him are feeding and fueling her fears.

they’d have to talk about it, at a certain point. she realizes that. but it’s a freshly opened wound, and trying to sew it up right at the source of pain could hurt her plenty before any healing could start.

“hinami, i’m coming in.” she hears a click, as well as the creak of the opening door. her muscles tense as she looks back at him. he’s standing there in his regular black tshirt and loose pants, a somber expression on his face and his hands folded. she puts the pillow she held aside in defeat. there is no avoiding this. straightening, she sat up on the bed, her back pressed to the wooden headboard.

“it’s better that we talk this out.. it really shouldn’t have happened.” he starts and hinami already feels the bile in her throat forming. exactly, it shouldn’t have happened. she never even expected it to happen. but it did, and she was happy, and now she isn’t. a part of her wants to take the pillow she set aside and throw it at him, complain how unfair it is.

but another part is reminding her of how she dragged him into this too. it’s unfair to both of them.

“i’m sorry that it happened. i should’ve controlled myself better.” he isn’t really looking at her anymore. as if he’s just embarrassed about it all, wants it all done and over with. hinami clutches the sheets of the bed, just trying to focus on something else rather than sting she feels as he speaks.

“we were lucky both aneki and yomo-san were there…” he says, yet the sentence trails off, remains unfinished. hinami is bitter about it all. all her life, she’s been ‘lucky’. people would tell her, she’s like a good luck charm, yet somehow she never felt lucky. no matter how many clovers she will have on her head and clothes, she doesn’t feel lucky - she is simply not.

“i don’t feel lucky at all.” the sentence leaves her mouth and she wants to regret it, she can’t find it in herself to do so. it was only the truth. “do you feel lucky?” she asks, finally staring directly at him. she refused to let tears fall from her eyes, no matter how obvious they were.

ayato was certainly caught off guard. his eyebrows rising high and his mouth gaping, it was almost comical to look at. maybe she would’ve laughed, if her feelings weren’t all jumbled up inside of her. “…what do you mean?” he asked her back, and frowned. she knows he is smart enough to figure where she was going with that.

rising from the bed, she stood up to him, no matter if her small frame refused to make her look intimidating or angry. “were you glad, when they broke us apart then?” her hands were in fists, clenched tightly as she clarified. her heart pace speeded up, and she felt it thumping against her chest. she had to  _know._

it’s nerve-wracking, the time that takes him to answer. his lips were pressed in a wavering line, and his mouth was kept in an indecisive cycle of opening and closing. they were inches apart and she could see every shift of eyes or move of muscle in his face. when he suddenly closed his eyes, she knew he reached his answer.

“no. i wasn’t.”

it’s all she really needed to hear. her hands shake a little, but they reach his warm face. she tip toes in front of him, and leans slightly in. she’s a bit scared to go all the way - she doesn’t want him to leave, but as hopes that as she closes her eyes, he will understand the message she’s trying so hard to convey.

he did. his lips pressed against hers so lightly, at the start. there was something about the feather-light touch that was so entrancing, that her mind urged her to take more and more of it - as if she was  _touch starved._ bottled up feelings came over her in waves, and as she hooked her arms behind his neck, she knew how much she needed him.

ayato kisses more forcibly, as time passes, gathering his courage before letting their lips melt against each other. his hands are holding her, almost clutching her waist as he pushes her back towards the bed behind them. her fingers dig at the nape of his neck, as she feels the bed’s edge behind her calves.

she releases a little squeak as she falls back, and ayato, above her, still having one of his arms wrapped around her takes his free hand and strokes her cheek while parting the kiss for a second. both of them take a deep breath, their chest rising and faltering each time. “after that time… i felt like we should’ve continued. that i’d be happy if we had. i was scared you didn’t feel the same.” she felt like she had to confess, before anything. she wanted him to know it was important to her, that she did want him then, and that she did want him now. he settled near her on the bed, and she nuzzled into his chest.

“i felt the same thing.” he replied, and hinami felt butterflies in her stomach. he plays with her hair, and she leaned to the touch. her fingers were fumbling with the neckline of his shirt. that day, it was almost off, when they were stopped. she wanted it off then, and she wants it off now. “…would you like to continue, from where we stopped?” he questioned hesitantly and she licked her lips.

“yes.” she answered. ayato rose back to sitting position, grabbing his shirt from the behind and pulled it off. her hands, as grabby as they were then, rose to touch him, from top to bottom. every muscle he had was defined - it was like art. hinami was in her own world as she let her hands wander and roam his body, and was only woken from her daydreams as ayato reached for her and pulled her onto his lap.

he kissed her roughly as his hand reached for the zipper of her dress. she had chills down her spine as she felt her dress slowly loosening on her form, and she moaned as helped her slide it completely off with hand. his tongue entered mouth, deepening their kiss as she kicked away her dress from her knees.

he laid on top of her and grinded, eliciting more frequent, needy moans from her. her hands trailed from the muscles of his back to the hem of his pants, taking them off as much as she can from under his weight. out of nowhere ayato stops her hand in place. “eager? wait a little, it’ll do you good.”

flipping her so she’s on her knees, ayato presses his chest to her back, kissing the nape of her neck. she shivers and arches as he goes lower and lower in his next kisses, one by one going further down with his mouth. reaching her bra, he huffs. “this will be annoying to keep on.” hinami blushes and then freezes for a moment as she realized he was undoing it with his mouth. the straps slid down her arms, and the cups themselves fell on the mattress.

she was still shaking under him, as he kept traveling downwards. she tossed away the fallen bra as he reached the last garment left on her body. his warm hands, that up until now roamed her body from top to bottom settled on the fabric of her panties and pulled it off. she let out a sigh - she thought he’d take it off with his teeth too. it was almost a shame he didn’t-

without prior warning, he started licking her at her core. his tongue was warm and wet and she had to hold herself from screaming as he made sure to touch every single fold with it. “ah… ayato-kun… p-please…” she pressed herself to him, needing more - her stomach was in knots and he was the only one with the ability to untangle them.

it was so hard for her to keep quiet as he let his tongue explore her - for all she could tell it seemed like he actually enjoyed the taste, from how he earnestly sucked on her. her hands were clutching the pillow in front of her, and he toes curled each time she felt him kissing her lower region.

“please what?” he lifted his head from her pussy, and crawled on top of her again. she looked back at him, and he had this unwavering smirk on his face, she almost can’t believe it’s the same boy that a few minutes ago was still unsure if she wanted this or not. he kissed her ear, nibbling on it, while his hands went to her breasts, squeezing them.

she trembled underneath him, even more so when he decided to grind against her core - she’s very much naked while he still with his pants and underwear. her knees were already feeling so weak and her mind was in cloud nine. she needed to come, so, so badly. “ayato-kun… i need you…”

“good, but not good enough. what do you need me for?” he asked her again, still playing and palming her breasts. hinami’s embarrassed, yet at the same time turned on by his dirty talk. she just wanted more…

she thought about it twice, what to answer. here she was having the boy of her dreams in a silver platter, giving her everything she needs as he always does. he’s kissing her in ways she could have only dreamt of while she was high on that heat this week, attending to every spot that in need of touch.

different things popped in her mind. she already knew what he expected her to say, but even as she moaned and felt so good, she still wanted to return the favor before this fantasy that decided to come alive will end. she took one of his hands, still wrapped around her body, in hers and slid it off, giving her room to turn to him.

he paused, looking a little confused, with slight worry in his eyes.  _he’s so cute…_  hinami held his upper arm, smiling at him. “ayato-kun… i need you to sit down for me. the same way i sat when we talked…” she had no doubt she was blushing, but she tried to not look too embarrassed. she wanted to do it for him.

he raised an eyebrow, but did as she had asked anyway. he sat down, the bed’s pillows behind his back. she inched closer to him, settling between his legs. she gave him a butterfly kiss on his lips, before she decided to mimic what he done to her. leaving kisses all over his body, as if marking a path downwards.

from his jawline, down to his adam’s apple up until the navel the had waited for her,  she lingered on every spot on his torso, sometimes kissing him ever so gently and something sucking onto his flesh until red marks appeared on it and his grunts were heard. she had a fascination with stomach, and she was convinced she could find herself exploring his lean muscles for much, much longer, but she already felt his erection pressing. she’ll leave it for another day.

hinami tugged on the waistbands of both his pants and underwear, looking up at him. “help me?” she asked, a twinkle in her eyes and a small grin on her face. ayato didn’t waste his time - he grabbed both pieces of clothing and pulled them down as much as possible.

hinami blushed as finally everything was bare to her, from the v-line that started from his his hips, to his hard on that stood proudly. his size seemed almost intimidating, she wasn’t even sure how he’ll fit inside her, but she could only imagine how good it’ll feel later on.

she hesitantly held his erection between her thin fingers. ayato released a gasp as her hand started moving up and down. hinami liked those small moans she managed to bring out of him. she wanted more of it all. hinami bent her head down.

his breathing was erratic already at this point, but she wanted him to moan louder. she needed him. and she had an idea of how to do it. hinami carefully took her tongue, giving him a long lick across his cock, followed by smaller licks all over it. his hands were clasping and unclasping, trying to control himself. she didn’t like that. hinami then opening her mouth, taking his tip in her mouth, and going down on him as much as she can, enveloping him.

“haah… hinami..!” he moaned out, and she was only more motivated to take more of him in, even if she couldn’t really. her hand covered for where she didn’t reach though, so she figured its fine. his hand reached her hair, grabbing on it, lightly pushing it down - she could tell he was holding back from that hold. she could taste salty precum and she went down on him faster, her head bobbing up and down.

“hinami!” he nearly shouted as he grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to stop. she rose up to look at him, drops of precum still sliding down her chin. he brought her close to him, onto his thigh. he stared at her with hunger in his eyes. “i need you.” his voice is raspy and she wants to melt.

_i need you too._

she nods and changes position. she’s on top of him now, he’s holding her behind and making sure her entrance is aligned with his erection. she’s nervous, and she’s hiding her face at the crook of his neck, but he makes sure to help her relax by rubbing her back. he kisses her ear. “are you ready?” he whispers into it, and she takes a deep breath.

“yeah.”

hinami lowers herself onto him. her eyes are tightly shut, as she feels the tip of his length at the opening of her slit, her eyes widening as ayato slowly pushes in. it’s weird, feeling that filled up, and it hurts a bit as she slides down on him, but it’s not as bad as she expected. she holds onto him tightly as the pain slowly numbs down, and he patiently lets her get used to the feeling, even as she him groaning a little.

hinami let’s go of the breath she didn’t she was holding in after a few seconds, finally getting used to the feeling. “you can move…” she tells him quietly, and ayato, enthusiastic, starts rocking against her. her nails are digging at his back, and she already releasing strings of incoherent moans, right into ayato’s ear.

ayato was no better than her at the moment, quietly moaning her name  and talking about how wet or warm she was as he thrusted into her, holding onto on her thighs, holding it aside to give himself more access into her, as she rocked herself on top of him in synced rhythm.

“ah.. ayato….” she finds out she can’t hold her moans to herself, and at the same time, ayato’s hold on her tightens even more as he flips her so she’s underneath him. hinami squirms below him as he thrusts into her hard and fast. she holds herself from yelling out at the change of pace, and his lips almost immediately find hers and captures them into a kiss.

nothing around them matters, as he holds her down into the mattress and her legs are wrapped around him. they’re sweaty and hot yet all she could think about is how much she likes the way he’s holding her, kissing her, and fucking her. how much she just likes  _him._

she matches herself to his rhythm, meeting him in the middle of each thrust. hinami could feel him twitching, and she felt how close she was as well. these last moments should be well spent.

ayato slowed down, his quick, erratic thrusts replaced by long, slow ones. the spot he reached with those made hinami see stars. “ayato!!” she cried out, suddenly feeling the knots in her stomach undoing themselves, and her walls squeezed him as she came.

soon after, she felt warm seed shooting inside her as ayato collapsed on top of her, hugging her small frame, sighing in pure content as he settled his head next to her.

spent and tired, they both stayed in that position for long minutes, attempting to even out their breaths. ayato managed rather quickly, but hinami who was trapped under his body had a harder time.

“ayato-kun… you’re heavy…” she drags her words out, her lips in a pout. ayato snorts, and rolls off of her, to the emptier side of the bed. hinami breathes in and returns to her dreamy, satisfied state. she’s tired, dirty and sticky, but she feels so good.

ayato hooks one hand around her, pulling her closer to spoon her, his hand on her stomach and his head on top of hers.  _he only makes it better._

“…i feel lucky now.” he tells her, her heart that just calmed down a while ago, skips a beat. “uh, to have you with me now, i mean… i really like you, hina.” she feels his fingers dig slightly into her skin, him clutching her. she feels a warm sensation spreading inside.

she turns around in his embrace. her hands rise to return the hug, wrapping around him. if she were to look at the entire night, at the last few days even - hinami could see she thought primarily about him. even when she was out of her heat, even though this entire evening, she just simply wanted him. for him. did she even had one thought to doubt how she feels? she doesn’t think so.

and after all - they do say the nose don’t lie when it comes to matches. she has no reason to doubt it. hinami smiles at him confidently.

“i think i really like you, too.”


End file.
